It is another January 1st.
On one of them, several years ago, I sat down and wrote my annual letter and it began "We are still alive..." That was the day before Stefan died in an intersection that had not been sanded because nobody did work on January 1st.
We have not been the same since. And if we have seemed serene and composed through it all, it belied a constant and fierce battle with grief. We are a medical/dental family. We know how to soothe people through painful treatments and get the job done, stay cool,calm and collected and help all the others.
So, we are facing another Anniversay, as we have done every Jan. 1st for six years now. Its approach darkens the time right after Christmas every year. There is a deepening gloom that begins to descend right after Boxing Day. And still, we are not prepared when the day comes. It is amazing what can be unleashed, even with the advance knowledge. It is hard to communicate and most people don't want to know. There is an isolation associated with it that hurts just as much. This is the sort of thing, when people call out to God in anger, terror or search for comfort. But even our pastors hardly know what to say or how to pray with us. How do you descend with someone and bring them up. It really is something. Jesus did it.
I have felt ostracized, at times. It is like you have been marked with a sign. And you find new companions. There are those, society would do away with, the grieving, yes, also the infirm, the lonely, the handicapped, the aged, the ugly... It's quite amazing. We have been maimed to fit into a new society.
The Lord be with us all and you.
"You heard me say, 'I am going away and I am coming back to you.' If you loved me, you would be glad that I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I.
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