Tuesday, June 28, 2011

In Memory

Stefan would have been 21 years old today.

30 months.  

The county tried to fix the intersection again without actually moving it to a spot up the hill.  Who is in charge of these public works?


Steve Martin said...

It has to be pretty rough.

I imagine it will always be so for you.

One day you'll see him again. And I want you to introduce me to him.

No more tears there. Looking forward to that.

Brigitte said...

It was a nice summer day. There was stuff to do. We had late salad on the porch. It was mild and already dark; we could even put on the citronella candle; but Martin said his ankles were getting bitten.

Then he said something and finished with and "I'm not even exaggerating" which is really funny and I laughed because he is always exaggerating terribly. His estimates are always so far off.

Anyhow. There is a kind of pall on many things on plenty of days. Yes, it appears it will always be like that.

I laid on my back and looked at the ceiling some time and thought about the good times we had, but how ungrateful I often was. I asked for forgiveness and thought about life and how beautiful so many things are and how God is in the middle of it all but we can't see him. God being "missing" (hidden?) is like the pink elephant in our lives. There is this God-sized hole in everything.

Some day it will be all different. Love you, too.

kerner said...

I know I can never truthfully say "I understand", because I have not suffered the loss you have. But both my brothers died young, and I saw what it did to my mother.

I pray that Our Lord sends you comfort. As Steve says, no more tears in Heaven.

Brigitte said...

Thanks kerner. It is truly the human condition that we cannot understand fully or near fully unless we have been there. All the more easily there is a bond between those who share this. There is an instant depth which is also a blessing.

Still, it is helpful when people try to understand and don't shy away from the difficult. I try to do the same for others, to not hide myself from their pain. It's the least we can do for each other and it is something.

I have become very dependent on praying with my husband. Nothing goes well without that anymore. We have become older and weirder. But we can ask God. This is also a good thing. :)

Brigitte said...

I am sorry about your brothers and your mom. I hope your mom is alright. It helps that God suffered everything, too and more.

If I think that I have been abandoned then I think about how Jesus was abandoned at the cross. When I think that nobody loves me then I think about that Jesus loves me. When I feel bitter I try to think of my own sin and not those of others.

It's just that a child whom you raised has become so much part of your substance that we all say it's as if you've been amputated. A part of your very own self has been lobbed off.

But when your children grow up and move on, some of this happens,too. It's great when you have a good relationship, but when not, then it's just about the same I think. So, I think when Steve worries about his son, it is just about as hard.

We learn to pray and keep the first commandment. :)

Rhology said...

May you know Christ's peace anew today.

Brigitte said...

Thanks for kindness, Rho.