Thursday, February 11, 2010

How was Christmas

I've been debating whether to write  this sorry chapter.  What would anyone possibly get out of it, except me getting to whine.  But the psalmist whines, too, and it's not always pretty.  And then there's Job.  He does not quit.

Well, he quits eventually.
And we get something out of that.
Quite a bit, actually.

So, therefore:
Christmas Eve we were all alone.

And you know for Germans Christmas Eve is the sacrosanctest of  all sacrosanct holidays.
I don't want to complain much.  A number of people where in Hawaii, etc. and nobody asked us to come along.  Not that I wanted to.  I felt that I did not want to escape this time.  It needed to be taken head on and that's what we did.  And I had a flu.  And we were not invited anywhere either.  Except for my sister-in-law who figured it out last-minute but I said, it's ok, after church it's already late and it will be alright.  So no faulting her.  And it would not have been hard to figure something out.  It just happened this way and we let it be.

There was also the issue of traveling some place nice vs. agreeing to play organ on Christmas Eve.  So I played organ.  I wanted the full church to have it full blast.  Some of the others don't blast like I do.  I felt it my duty to go and play as well as I could.  With my flu medication and a bunch of coffee I went off and played organ  full blast.  I like doing that.  People like it,too.

We stayed at church a long time and I did additional good deeds by handing out the Christmas crafts to the smaller children, which I had bought at Bethel and forgotton to bring to Bruderheim when I had meant to and had to improvise that day;  now I still had them.  I had also given a bunch of them to a women at CURVES who has a dayhome and permission from the parents to engage the children in religious activities.  (I was talking with her last week.  It's time to order Easter crafts).

Then we went home.  Martin had not wanted to set up a tree, a thing he never likes to get involved in.  But I had set up a tree and garlands as usual.  We did not exchange any gifts.  We had bought a new computer some time ago and had agreed that that was enough.  So, I sat there all by myself, with the tree I had set up by myself and no gift opening.  (There were some presents from other people, but I just let them sit for now.)  I did not even put on any music.  I just sat there and cried and prayed til I was done.

Which was around 1:00 AM,
when I decided to buy some hymn prelude books on Amazon.  (Of course, my favorite editor, Mr. Trevor.)
(Later I realized I had done my first shopping on Christmas Day, ever, sorry, but I don't think any people were inconvenienced.)

The rest of the time, was an equally mixed bag of everything.  My husband must have been an equally messed up because he also drove me nuts.  I probably drove him nuts. 

I see why people talk about the frequency of divorce after heavy losses, or just plain after Christmas.  I found I had the devil in one ear and C.S. Lewis in the other (Screwtape letters 8 and 9). (Well, Screwtape letter is supposed to be the devil, too, but it still is C.S. Lewis.)

I did have the cats-in-law with me through all this, which were kind of amusing and one liked to sit in laps. (Unfortunately, we still seem to have some mice.)

Christmas Eve I also sang at Bethel in the morning, which was a very beautiful service (including Power Point and Youtube video.  The lady reader almost broke down reading Isaiah 61, but I was with her.  Excellent text to break down to. )


Oh, and my husband dealt with this time by picking all his funeral hymns. 

He did not want anything with "thee's" and "thou's".  He figured it out in the end.  I won't post the video of him doing that.


I should post them here, in case we die together.  They are fine with me:  Jesus, still lead on.  I am Jesus little lamb.  O God our help in ages past.  Jesus priceless treasure.

Just remember, no version with "thee" and "thou", and the organ playing not too mopey.  Thank you.

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